Yesterday, I ran in the Undy 5000. I’ve gotta tell ya, it was a blast.

I got up early, and ate a breakfast suggested by the folks at Fleet Feet — English muffin, some peanut butter, a banana and water. Becky, Sio and I headed to Forest Park right after breakfast, and started walking around the site once we got there… and then I got an incredible surprise.

Jay showed up.

Jay and Me

Jay’s been very supportive during my fight with colon cancer, so having him show up to run with me blew me away. And even though we didn’t run together — he was quite a bit faster than me! — it was great to know there was someone in the throng of over a thousand folks that was running for me. Way cool!

And I did finish the 5k run, walking at least as much as I ran. I had been targeting a finish under 50 minutes, and I was just able to do that, with my chip time coming in at 49:22.

More importantly, I helped. I helped the cause of fighting colon cancer. And I’ll be back next year, running again, and running faster!

As you’ve heard me mention, I’m taking on the Undy 5000 in a week’s time. What I hadn’t mentioned was signing up for the “No Boudaries” training series through Fleet Feet.

No Boundaries is a ten-week series, training folks that haven’t run before to walk/run their first 5K. The target event is in June, and I’m sure I’ll drop more info on here as I get it. Our kickoff is tomorrow night, and I knew I’d need shoes.

Since Fleet Feet is sponsoring the series, they’re giving the series participants a discount in their stores. For me, that meant a nice gal named Jess worked with me to find the best shoes for my particular needs. And the winner? Nike Vomero. Comfy, comfy, comfy.

I can’t wait to get ‘em on course on our first training event Wednesday night!

As I talked about earlier this week on The Deauxmayne, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was lucky, with an early detection, and a clean bill of health coming out of taking a couple of months off from life to get healed.

Next weekend, on Saturday (March 31st), I will be walking in the Undy 5000. This is a fundraising walk to raise money to fight colorectal cancer. Given my recent history, I thought this would be a great way to work toward others not having to fight this disease.

If you’ve got a little folding money that’s burning a hole in your pocket, would you consider donating to my fundraising for the walk?

You never know… the ass you save might be your own!!!

So… you may have wondered where the Deauxmayne has been for the last few months. Well, here’s the tale.

Becky told me last year that the two toughest sentences to say are:

- I have cancer.
- My spouse has cancer.

Each of us gets to carry one of those sentences with us now. Some of you already know the story of this winter. If you don’t, hang on for the ride.

Cancer was never a word that I thought I’d have to personally deal with. My self-image has been the seventeen-year-old lanky kid that I was once was, with mild disappointment to follow whenever I’d look in the mirror.

My father fought cancer, twice. The first time, he fought throat cancer, brought on from decades of smoking. The second and final time, he fought lung cancer, eventually succumbing to it just days before his 62nd birthday.

I’ve always distanced myself from smoking, and despite carrying excess weight, I thought that I was healthy enough to minimize the spectre of cancer in my life, especially as I journeyed through my forties.

There was no way for to realize just how wrong I was.

I first had some signs that I didn’t like — some bleeding — in November. I carried this with me for a while, trying to rationalize it as being caused by spicy food, or some other thing that I could control. After a few weeks, I mentioned it to Becky, who set me up with an appointment to meet with my primary physician (Dr. Reh) the Monday after Thanksgiving (11/28). Dr. Reh didn’t like what he saw, and walked me over to an gastroenterologist (Dr. Heavey) who scheduled me on the spot for a colonoscopy for the following Monday (12/5). For those of you who’ve had an colonoscopy, you know the fun that comes the day before the test. For those of you who haven’t… well, let’s just say that I’m pretty sure I saw some of the meals eaten by my ancestors. It wasn’t the most horrible thing in the world, but it was pretty dang demanding of my energy.

So Monday, I had the scope done. I was terrified about the anesthesia — I haven’t really had any kind of real anesthesia since I was about four years old, and had all kinds of misconceptions about what that might be like. The nurse anesthesist told me what she would do, and assured me that I wouldn’t know that anything had happened. As it ends up (HA!), it was really no big deal, and by the time I was awakening in the recovery room, it was obvious that I was way concerned about the procedure for no reason.

After the procedure, Dr. Heavey came to talk with us. They had found a tumor in the lower part of my colon, less than 2″ in size. They’d also done a little additional “spring cleaning” while in there, but the tumor was the thing to focus on. Dr. Heavey called it a “Good News Day.” Even though the news wasn’t the news he’d prefer to give me, the good part was that this was found so early, and that I had paid attention to the symptoms, reported them, and starting looking into what was going on. He said if I’d waited another six months or a year, we might be having a very different conversation. He believes that the surgeon (Dr. Pastrana) would remove a small part of my colon via a laperoscopic procedure, likely before the end of the year. Five days in the hospital, a little pain management, and that would be that. No colostomy bags, no chemotherapy, and no long-term effects. And, Dr. Heavey said that he didn’t think this looked like it had leached out of the area it was in. Frankly, I didn’t really hear much of this conversation. My head was focused on the one word I didn’t want to hear: tumor. I simply couldn’t get past that possibility of it being cancer.

We came home, and I surfed all over the NIH and ACS sites, looking for facts… survival rates, diet, and any other details that might help me put this event into a little box in my head. I didn’t do too well with that exercise, but it was something to do aside from brooding over the hand I’d possibly just been dealt.

Tuesday (12/06) brought the biopsy results, and they were positive. The tumor was cancerous. As devastated as I was Monday night, I was crushed on Tuesday. Dr. Heavey’s office scheduled me for a CT scan the following Monday to take a look at my abdomen and pelvis to make sure there was nothing else going on.

So, for the early part of that first week after my diagnosis, I was in a haze, trying to figure out how to talk about this, how to manage and compartmentalize this diagnosis… and I was failing miserably. I asked Becky to call Dr. Heavey’s office and ask why we didn’t have an oncologist overseeing all this work. I mean I had cancer, so wasn’t an oncologist part and parcel of that diagnosis? After her conversation, I began to get a very different picture in my head.

This is how I rationalized it… no doctor confirmed my view of this, but here’s how I coped. If someone is discovered with early skin cancer, you might have a dermatologist remove the diseased cells, do a CT scan to make sure nothing else is going on, and if everything’s clean, you just go on. There’s no “cancer team” assigned to you. You just stop, chop and move on. Between the conversation with Dr. Heavey, Becky’s conversation with his staff, and my coming to understand that maybe this wasn’t as petrifyingly big as I thought, I had a okay end to my first week with cancer.

Later in the week, there were some really great days — my appetite returning Wednesday after either the shock of the news or the anesthesia wore off, for example — and bad days where I simply couldn’t get past the words in the diagnosis. That was gonna happen, and I knew that. But I was buoyed, knowing that I had assembled a great team, cheering me on, praying, and doing Herculean things to keep my spirits up.

And this is where a little hint of the divine came in. (Bear with me.) I had been thinking about a new amplifier for my guitars, and had talked with my brother about the Carvin amp line, asking about pricing and capabiities. The next time I talked with him, he told me one was on the way, courtesy of him and the folks at Carvin. I was floored. I was more floored when it came in on Monday night. I was struggling, wondering what the news would be from the CT scan, and I was in desperate need of a distraction. The arrival of the new amp and cabinet was just what I needed to keep my mind away from the “what if” questions that permeated my thoughts.

On Monday (12/12), I had the CT scan done. I don’t remember having one of those before. Once again, there were eating restrictions prior to the test — although no cleansing, thank goodness! — but gone are the days of the awful tasting contrast solution. Mine was mixed into a couple of bottles of Crystal Light, consumed across an hour’s time. And frankly, the procedure was pretty easy. You just lay there, with a gigantic spinning toroid encircling you, along with the machine telling you when to breathe or hold your breath.

And then finally, there was good news on Wednesday (12/14). There was nothing unusual found on the CT scan! And with that, everything was in place for my surgery — a laperoscopic sigmoid colectomy.

Becky and I met Dr. Pastrana on Friday (12/15), and were very impressed. He had a terrific demeanor, and made both of us feel comfortable with what was coming next. Unfortunately, that meant another Sunday “cleansing”, but it was necessary, so I walked that nasty road one more time.

I entered the hospital for my surgery on Monday (12/19). I was scared, but was feeling the presence of God, calming me. I wasn’t nearly as concerned about the anesthesia this time, and when it came time for my “happy hour cocktail”, I was content to drift away, knowing I was in good hands.

I woke up in recovery, and was wheeled to my room. Frankly, I don’t remember much about that little ride, except that I was thirsty. Of course, given that part of my bowel had just been removed, they didn’t want much in me, so for that Monday, it was ice chips for a while. I had great nurses throughout this first day in the hospital, and it just seemed like they were all picked specifically for me.

When Tuesday morning came, it was time for the removal of my catheter. I had a long-time nurse doing the removal, and I was thankful it wasn’t some young gal. Somehow, it just made me feel more comfortable knowing that my nurse had done more than a few of these. And while the removal didn’t hurt, it was the weirdest thing I’ve eve felt in my life. And my reward at the end of that? A cup of Sierra Mist soda! It was wonderful to actually drink something, and be out of the ice chips. Meals were soft foods — soups and Jell-O — on Tuesday, but I was happy to gobble up whatever they put in front of me.

Wednesday, we got to meet with Dr. Pastrana to hear the details of what was found. The tumor was a “T1 M0 N0″. Definitely cancer, but no spreading to other organs or to the lymph nodes, which was the best news we could possibly get. I had dodged a big, big bullet, through reporting my symptoms, early and rapid diagnosis, and an agressive approach to eliminating my tumor. I figured I would be back frequently for follow-up scopings, but Dr. Pastrana comment was stunning. His comment was that I wouldn’t see this again, and that for purposes of this cancerous event, I was cured. There would be no need to have another colonoscopy until I turn 50 in a couple of years. Wow.

And that’s the moral of this story. You see something, you say something. When you’re supposed to get “routine” tests, you get them done. I was too young to be getting colonoscopies, and was fortunate enough to have a symptom that let us know something was up. I have a “happy ending” to my cancer story as a result of that.

Christmas came, and went, and my three incisions were healing. Or so we thought.

A couple of days after Christmas, I began running a crazy fever, riding the roller coaster of “too hot” and “too cold”. Dr. Pastrana wanted me to visit the ER, in case it was pneumonia. On Tuesday (12/27), we hit the ER, and after another CT scan, an EKG, a chest x-ray, and an afternoon of sitting around, they didn’t really find anything definitive, but sent me home with some antibiotics.

Friday (12/30), we had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Pastrana, and as soon as he looked at my large incision, he knew I had a problem. It was infected, badly, and would require surgery the next morning to drain it. He took a sample in the office, which we later learned contained both staph and e.coli — I had hit the infection lottery.

I was rolled in a wheelchair from Dr. Pastrana’s office to my hospital room, which was right next door to the room I was in for my previous surgery. My first night in the hospital was a horrible one. The small hole created by Dr. Pastrana’s tools to pull the fluid sample from the infection wouldn’t really close up, and caused me to leak fluids — a lot of fluids — all night. I had folks changing bandages all night, changing my bed and trying to keep me calm through the whole thing. It was just awful.

Finally, around 5am on Saturday, I was rolled to surgery. I was scared, not knowing what would be discovered in surgery. I lay in my surgical bed, awaiting the surgical staff’s arrival, and began praying. I was amazed to get this almost visual sensation of a bright green net descending upon me, protecting me and soothing my nerves. I was ready for what lay ahead. Dr. Pastrana came in the room (it was his day off), and performed the rather quick surgery to drain the abscess. I awoke in recovery again, and was eventually rolled back to my room. Dr. Pastrana came by to tell me what he’d done and found. The large incision is the one through which some nasty stuff was pulled out during my first surgery, and it apparently grabbed hold of something ugly during that procedure. The infection started deep, and worked its way to the surface, which is why it took so long for anyone to figure it out. And because it started deep, I had a deep “crater” in me. The good news was that the infection was limited to my abdominal wall, and hadn’t spread to anything in my abdominal cavity. Once again, I had dodged a really big bullet.

For the next few days in the hospital, I had twice daily dressing changes. The staff was putting six feet of gauze inside me. Yeah, I said feet. I felt like I was one of those magicians’ tricks, where the magician pulls a seemingly never-ended string of scarves from his pocket! I had two cavities, approximately 3-4 inches deep, into which the staff threaded six feet of gauze to force the wound to stay open, while healing from the bottom. The first day my dressing was changed, I was given morphine to help with the pain. While the deep interior wasn’t hurting, the surface was excrusiating at times. It was as though someone was plucking at me with tweezers — intense pain, but short duration.

On Wednesday (01/04), we began working toward my release from the hospital again. We met the “wound nurse” who set us up with a wound treatment machine to carry home with us. This machine would remain on me for three weeks, 24×7, with twice weekly gauze changes, similar to those in the hospital. The home health care folks that took care of me did a wonderful job, making me as comfortable as you can be with someone removing and inserting so much gauze twice a week. This ensured that my wound healed quickly, healing from the bottom. And between the nurses and the little machine, I was blessed with quick healing.

In three weeks time, my cavities went from four inches deep to ¼” deep, at which point I was able to return the machine, and just use regular bandages to keep my wound covered. And by the end of February, I no longer needed bandages. I’m still amazed at just how quickly a wound of that size and depth could heal.

Now I’m back to work after two months of sick leave, and a winter that I’ll never forget.

What everyone reading this should know, though, is that fighting cancer is a team sport. And my team reached out their hands to help me up out of the muck. And that is the single simple truth about fighting this. I know now that no mattter what the road looks like ahead of me, I am supported by the shoulders of some of the strongest people I’ve ever known, and with that kind of support beneath me, and God’s support from on high, how can I possibly fall to something like cancer.

So why would I finally write about this? Well, I really believe that I was brought through all these events for a reason. If I can encourage someone to be checked out, or have hope in their battle, then my battle has some value.

But also, today is an anniversary. As of today, I have been cancer-free for ninety days… and counting!

The Unsinkable Molly Bonk RN CGC

Today, we took the longest drive with Molly. Today we put her to rest.

We’d been tackling structural problems with Molly for several months, and after many exams to see what could be going on, she stabilized. However, she started having other problems, and we started looking into what was join on.

On Friday, we took Molly into the vet, and had a specialist do a sonogram on her. The news wasn’t good. She had an inoperable tumor that was taking up half her bladder, along with creeping into other parts of her. Essentially, we were talking about days of time left before she would descend into a really painful life.

After talking with the vet Friday, we set an appointment for this afternoon to let her go, and avoid the pain and suffering that was just around the corner. By far, this was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since Dad died almost ten years ago.

So today, Becky and I took her to the vet, and sat with her while she slipped away. It really was as peaceful as the vet described, and she just slowly went to sleep on my foot, eventually leaving us.

This afternoon’s been really tough, with four fewer big paws stomping around the house. We know she’s better off though, as what was in front of her was miserable and agonizing.

There’s an old Swiss saying: “Three years a puppy, three years a good dog, three years an old dog. All else is a gift from God.” With Molly, we had all that, but for us, it was 3,604 days as a gift from God.

Once again, I gave up on the Cardinals last night. I went to bed after the 8th inning, with the Cards down by two, convinced that the baseball season was over.

When Becky’s alarm went off this morning, she asked me how it felt to wake up a loser, and we both giggled about it, resigned to what surely must’ve taken place last night.

She got up, took the dogs out, and went to the ‘Net to confirm what we already knew — that the Cards had lost.

And then she came running up to the bed, excited, and saying that the Cards had won. Of course, I thought she was kidding.

She wasn’t.

The Cardiac Cards came back not once, but twice, after we gave up and went to bed. They played for another 90 minutes after we crashed, coming up with a victory, and pushing into a Game 7 in the World Series.

I really can’t believe it. I just can’t. I’ve said it before, I’ve given up so many times this season, only to be proven wrong by this crazy comeback team.

I won’t be giving up tonight, and will be staying tuned through the very last pitch!

Many times, in fact. I gave up on the Cardinals loads of times this season. It seemed like every time I gave up, they did something to shine, and I started having hope again, only to have it dashed by some awful loss.

But now, we’re off to the World Series. Unbelievable!

I’ve gotta admit, I’m worried about facing Texas. Those guys can really score some runs…

RIP Steve Jobs.

A long, long time ago, I wondered in my personal journal what my generation’s Pearl Harbor would be. Frankly, I thought it would be something much more horrific than that Day That Would Live in Infamy — a doomsday scenario, with us and Russians lobbing warheads over the pole at each other. It was the early 1980s, after all, and that seemed like the most likely kind of event. Like so many others, though, when the fall of the Soviet Bloc took place in the late 1980s, I thought we were finally on the brink of acting like the human race I’d always aspired for us to be. Of course, there would still be strife and hated — there’s just too many different opinions out there on life, liberty and pursuit of happiness — but I thought that the promise of the Shining City on a Hill would be so uniting and so persuasive, it would be the kind of obvious human goal to strive for.

And then September 11th, 2001, rolled around.

I was sitting in a meeting at work, when someone said that a plane had crashed into a building in New York City. Obviously, that was a horrible thing to hear, but it was in that weird “spectator” state for those of us in the building. This was before cell phones with internet connections were ubiquitous, and really, all we had to rely upon was the word-of-mouth of folks who were just rolling into work, or folks who were looking at various news websites. By the time we were out of our meeting, it was obvious that something very, very traumatic had taken place, and I knew then that my generation had its Pearl Harbor.

I remember not being able to get any news in the building. Most folks’ radios didn’t work well in there — lots of concrete and RFI from all the computers — so the real lifeline was the internet. Of course, an hour or so into the tragedy, most websites were impossible to hit. If I remember right, CNN actually went down to a single, simple HTML page, trying to serve up simple, quick pages to a public hungry for news on what had just happened to us. As for me, I watched the news unfurl on the BBC website, as it was slightly less taxed than the domestic news outlets.

Upon finishing the workday, I came home, and watched the first video I’d seen of what had happened. It’s one thing to read about such devastation, but to see it unfold on a TV screen was truly surreal. Like many folks said on that day, it looked like a scene from some kind of Hollywood blockbuster. And I stayed glued to the TV the rest of the night.

Oddly enough, the thing that struck me the most about what I saw on TV that night was what wasn’t happening. Many of the “entertainment” networks — QVC, HGTV, MTV and others — suspended their operations, and either were hooked into a news outlet, or had a simple slide up, speaking of their support for the families of those lost on that day. I’d never seen anything like it.

Like many, many other folks, I was in shock. I wept, I prayed, and I tried to move on.

Fast forward to today, the tenth anniversary of that awful day. This weekend, I went to Branson for the semiannual Fiddlers’ Convention with some of the folks I play music with. I knew it was a special weekend because of the anniversary, but I also knew that I could find some solace in some of the most American music ever created. Last night, I joined the circle, and played out, for the first time outside the small group of folks that are my occasional musical circle.

I tried to keep up, and follow along as these very experienced players weaved music through the night. I really surprised myself, and think I did ok. And then, unexpectedly, there were two moments that really made the night memorable for me.

One of the guys that went to Branson with me broke into “Will the Circle Be Unbroken”. That old song is absolutely one of my favorites, and being a part of playing it in a small group was magical, truly magical. I was swept up in the music, and for the first time, felt like I was really a part of the music itself. I really don’t know how to explain it any better than that. And like part of a one-two punch, the circle started playing “Amazing Grace.” Yet again, I was struck with being such a part of this wonderful musical event. I heard someone on the radio this morning describing music as being something that could describe events using language beyond our daily ability to communicate. I’d have to agree, and that’s definitely what I was finding last night — comfort, and solace, communicated as more than the sum of the words that were sung and notes that played.

This morning, I began the quick journey back from Branson — just a few hours’ drive — and encountered a couple of groups marking the anniversary. The first was a group of motorcyclists, riding as a group on the outer road, sporting U.S. flags on the back of their bikes. The other was a long, long line of farm tractors making the turn off the outer road, each with Old Glory proudly displayed. This kind of display as I rolled across the hills of mid-Missouri reminded me of just how special our country is, and how poignant this date is, and likely will remain.

I’ve found myself trying to steel against the emotions of the day, and every once in a while, I’m caught off-guard by a gasp of emotion, a cry caught in my throat, inspired by things as disparate as hearing “Amazing Grace” played at Ground Zero as I was driving home this morning, to seeing a commercial featuring the Budweiser Clydesdales kneeling before the skyline of New York City. Through it all, I know that God will watch out for us — not because we’re so special, but because we’ve asked Him take care of us.

Taylor 426ce-LTD

Lately, I’ve become enamored of Taylor Guitars. Bob Taylor and his crew really make a beautiful instrument, and I’ve been really taken with the quality, sound and feel of them. The GS Mini I have is a terrific instrument, and the other Taylor instruments I’ve played at Fazio’s have been tremendous.

Cruising the Acoustic Guitar Forum one day, I found someone selling a 2008 Taylor 426ce Limited Edition at a reasonable price, and in great condition. Money sent, guitar received, and all was well in the world! I took it to Fazio’s, and had Bryan set it up, adjusting the neck and truss rod, making it play like brand new.

This thing is gorgeous. It’s top, sides, and back are solid Tasmanian blackwood, sporting a gorgeous shimmer. And the tone… well, the tone is out of this world. It’s thick sounding, complex, with lots of body, and compares nicely to my Carvin mahogany. I really love playing it.

It’s been with me now for about two-and-a-half weeks, and has been my “first picked up” guitar when I look to play. I’ve been comparing it with my Takamine and Carvin, and while they each have their own voices, I really like the feel of the neck on the Taylor, and find that I can play this guitar for hours at a time, without getting tired.

What a terrific instrument!